28 December 2012

Thoughts

I can't believe I'm moving to Moscow in two weeks.

It feels strange saying it out loud. During the holidays, I had to repeat my story to every single person I ran across.
"Yeah, I'm moving to Moscow. Yes, I have a job--teaching English. Yes, I know Russia is cold. No, I'm not sure when I'll be back. No, I don't exactly speak Russian, but what better way to learn that to go live there!"

'I'm moving to Russia' is a bizarre thing to tell people. I actually met someone at a party the other night and when he asked me where to live I fumbled around for a second.
Um, like, my parent's house I guess... for right now? I did live in Wisconsin, but I'm done there. I also lived in Chicago and then New Hampshire, but uh..."
"Moscow," was what ended up coming out.

I've been having a lot of different feelings about the whole process. Sometimes, I feel incredibly brave and adventurous. I'm proud of myself. With the exception of this summer, I've never lived outside of the midwest--hardly outside of Illinois. My parents have always been a phone call away and I have certainly relied on that stability. And now, with one nine-hour plane ride, that's all going to be gone. And though it puts me in an incredibly vulnerable position, I feel up for the challenge and ready to take responsibility over my life and make it exactly what I want.

I do have a lot of fears and even though most of them are silly, they're still there. I fear the cold. I know that's a silly thing to be anxious about, but I guess that when all you hear about Russia is the below-zero temperatures, it starts to creep up on you. But I'm prepared: I got a ton of L.L. Bean gear for Christmas (never thought that would happen) and it's not like growing up in Chicago hasn't shown me some serious cold (is what I keep reminding myself). I'm worried about my job and that I won't be good enough. I'm worried that I'll get lonely never hearing words I know. I'm worried that at some point I'll get overwhelmed and want to go home.

But really, I can't wait. Truthfully, I just can't wait. Every time Ben and I get a chance to talk (he's been in New Hampshire for about a week now, so we've only been talking on the phone), we both just explode with excitement. I have so many daydreams in my head, lists of places I want to see, foods I want to try. It's hard just sitting at home and waiting for the middle of January to roll around.

I don't know. My head is everywhere and my journey starts the day after tomorrow when I board my first plane to New Hampshire. There's no turning back. I'm moving to Russia for nine months. This is my life and I am taking it every chance I get.


2 comments:

  1. Gah it sounds too exciting!! *starts googling Russian stuff* well aaaall the vodka is there to help with the cold, right? (I sure hope you drink!haha!) If not a big furry hat should do it. And there goes my knowledge of the place. Hats and Vodka...yup! :)

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  2. Hats and vodka are pretty right on! I actually got myself a little Russian inspired hat, so hopefully I'll blend right in :)

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