You guys, I miss Ben.
He left yesterday and everything just feels so weird. Work was weird. His substitute was weird. Walking was weird. Eating was weird. Sleeping was not so weird because I had many glasses of wine and watched many episodes of Girls.
When we were in college (and a bit after) we spent some time apart during holidays and what not and that was okay. Maybe like a week or two here and there. But this time it felt so much more dramatic. When he left, I felt like my heart was going to explode or something. I don't know what it is. I'm not so anxious about being in Moscow by myself--we spend a good amount of time apart here and I'm fine with walking/taking buses/trains/buying food, etc. alone. Maybe it's the time difference or something that makes it feel much more dramatic. I don't know. It was just hard watching him leave and knowing I needed to be chill about it so he could focus himself on the very important thing he was going home for.
Still. It hurts. He wrote me a small letter before he left and I've been reading it like, every hour or so. I just love him, guys.
Anyway, enough about that. I recently bought my first foundation (!!) which was pretty exciting. I've never really worn much make-up, but for the past few months my skin has been looking--dull? I've attributed it with getting older, which is kind of a depressing thought. SO I got onto YouTube (which has the most amazing makeup tutorials I have never been able to duplicate) and did some research and settled on the YSL Le Touche Eclat Foundation which feels like I'm rubbing unicorn feathers onto my face. Really. I still feel really out-of-place with it because, like I said, I've never worn any "skin" makeup. Just blush and mascara kind of stuff. But, I'm trying it. We'll see how that goes.
The people above us are playing a piano right now? They usually fight a lot and they have a baby that wakes me up all the fucking time, so I spend a lot of time really disliking them. But this piano is nice. I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to have apartment neighbors. I feel like everyone prepares you for weird roommates and what not, but nobody ever talks about how insane apartment neighbors can be. Maybe it's just me? I feel like I've heard some pretty weird stuff through thin walls.
I feel like I'm rambling. I haven't been writing for myself at all recently. I miss the structure of school. I remember my mentor and writing professor warning us that one day we would leave his classroom and feel lost without deadlines and assignments. I also remember sitting there in my small desk, applying my cherry Chapstick and thinking not me! I'll always be a writer. Which is of course not to say that I don't still think of myself as a writer--I do. I have a couple ideas in my head, I just need some motivation. Aye.
So, I finished World War Z on audiobook. It was okay. Three things kind of bothered me about it:
1. It was all set in the future and everyone was recalling their part in this apocalyptic zombie war--which is fine, except there were very little stakes. They would tell these crazy stories, but I never worried about anyone because I knew they would obviously live because here they were, 15 years later telling a reporter about it.
2. It wasn't scary enough! The writer clearly wanted his interviews to sound like real interviews--and they do (the audiobook is really amazing--every character is voiced by a new person, so it's very rich). But they don't indulge! There are so many, "Yeah... he didn't end well" and you're like HOW?! DID A ZOMBIE EAT HIS HEAD?! DID HE ACCIDENTLY DRIVE A CAR OFF A CLIFF BECAUSE HE WAS BEING CHASED BY AN ANGRY MOB OF FLESH-EATING MUTANTS? THIS IS A ZOMBIE BOOK FOR SLICK'S SAKE! TELL MEEEEEE!
3. There were hardly any women in this book. There were about 25 male characters telling there stories and TWO females. I don't usually care too much about that stuff, but around the seventh male speaker I began to feel really uncomfortable. Where are the women? This is the 21st century--you're really only going to include men? It just felt very imbalanced. And kind of pissed me off, to be honest. And like I said, I'm not someone who nit-picks (did I spell that right?) things like this, looking for sexism, but it just got to me. I don't know. Has anyone else read that book?
I did just start a new audiobook (I don't know if I mentioned this, but I walk for about two hours everyday, hence all these audiobooks) called Gone Girl per my very well-read mother's suggestion and I love it. I'm only about three hours in (???), but it's a very juicy story. And actually, pretty well written. Some of the descriptions are a little corny, but I have been really enjoying the story. And I love the mystery element attached. I can't say that I recommend it yet (I'll let you all know how I liked it when I finish), but I have pretty high hopes for this one.
Okay. I'm done with my rambles. I hope you all have a good weekend and enjoy some awesome foliage. Cheers!